In my household, the kids say to their Mom on their way out the door “Bye, love you.” She responds with “Bye, love you too.” It’s said almost the same way as in “Don’t forget your umbrella, it’s raining out.” “Ok, got it, thanks.”
I grew up with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and someone standing by the window or door to wave me off, as well as the “I love you”. So this interaction seems somewhat foreign to me, almost as if it’s the wrong way to do it. Of course it’s not the wrong way, but interestingly, it’s my first reaction, and I’m still not use to it, not even after these past three years that my fiancee and I have been together. I’ve discovered that it’s part of a somewhat dysfunctional family system when I was growing up. More posts on that later to be sure, but this point is a simple one. My perception is that the interaction between Mom and Daughter ought to be more involved, like I had known as a child. The fact of the matter is it doesn’t have to be. The interaction isn’t wrong. My “how I think this should be” is wrong. That’s an example of how thinking can be distorted by dysfunctional family systems. The dysfunction here is not the actual interaction between parent and child. It is that I believe I am right in my thinking, and I think it should be done that way. I think I am right because I am an adult, and having had children I know the right way and the wrong way. It’s the same way my parents raised me. It’s right. I know. Just ask me.
Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living.” As I examine mine, I see things I hadn’t noticed before. And I can fix the broken things too. That is pretty empowering. If you look at your self closely, and honestly, it’s easy. Really. Open yourself up to it.
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