The Lucubratory Collaboratory » Ellie http://lucubratory.com Sat, 01 Mar 2014 11:57:01 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.8.5 11.7.2013 http://lucubratory.com/ellie/11-7-2013/ http://lucubratory.com/ellie/11-7-2013/#comments Sat, 24 Aug 2013 11:56:46 +0000 http://lucubratory.com/?p=204 since you left I have had to reshape my idea of what love is

 

love used to be coupled in your hands
between your arms
chest to crumpled cheek
bone to rib cage bone

 

love used to be chocolate smeared bodies
showers together
two lives that didn’t quite fit
but we made it anyway
remarkably

 

soon I’ll be with someone new
someone I can’t dream up now
soon their hands will be my love
their eyes on mine
over a crowded room
hands to hip bone bend
will mean

 

love

 

but the trick is
changing what love means
without forgetting what it once meant

 

I don’t want to forget
that love once meant
you

 

and that to you
love once meant

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Seafarer http://lucubratory.com/ellie/seafarer/ http://lucubratory.com/ellie/seafarer/#comments Sat, 24 Aug 2013 11:53:54 +0000 http://lucubratory.com/?p=202 closed gate
lost seafarer
ocean rises
lost seafarer
returns home
alive
a child runs

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Our Future http://lucubratory.com/ellie/our-future/ http://lucubratory.com/ellie/our-future/#comments Tue, 30 Jul 2013 09:22:40 +0000 http://lucubratory.com/?p=194 so I said, we go together now

in this clapped out car

with the hand break off

drinking gin from a jar

down down round round

 

I met him in Western Australia and the sunset over the ocean didn’t matter because he was looking at me with a pair of fluorescent ideas, before I knew it we jumped the festival fence where we danced with bare feet, where we danced with a cigarette in one hand, and our time for each other in the other

 

we go together now

in this clapped out car

with the seatbelt off

drinking time from a

down down round round

 

in the morning the sun shone onto our dream stained mattress  and he told me that he flies out the next day to one of the mining towns out Karratha way where death smells like watered down dust and loneliness is the only home you’ve got

 

he drives the trucks there

and he drives them in circles

down down, round round

 

and I told him it was a choice but he asked me what sort of choice it is when you’re nineteen and alone, hated school, Mum’s on the pokies, and they’re paying $120 grand a year. You’ve never seen that kind of money in your life.

 

but four weeks on and one week off isn’t enough time for a love story, not when you run out of things to talk about because the rocks don’t change, the circles don’t change, the times don’t change, but somehow the love does

 

before he knew it he was thirty

he realised he never had time to love anyone

because he spent eleven years

driving rocks around in circles

round round down down

originally published in Burley Issue 3 2012
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Birdwatcher http://lucubratory.com/ellie/birdwatcher/ http://lucubratory.com/ellie/birdwatcher/#comments Tue, 30 Jul 2013 09:19:03 +0000 http://lucubratory.com/?p=192 this is the story of a birdwatcher
stuck in the city
because he’s too damn frail and old and broken to leave
the skyscrapers are built around him
cage him
all he could see are snippets of sky in this unfamiliar place
where even the stars seem rearranged

 

so now he sits atop high-rise balcony
waiting for a breathtaking bird to appear
gazing out over the concrete canopy
and he’s been waiting for years
yeh, he’s been waiting for years

 

stay with me now, because his moment is coming
he’s feeling it now, because his temples are drumming
his ear drums are humming
the rising sound is quickly becoming
a surging, emerging, converging beat
urging up from the soul of the earth to his feet
from his feet to his heart to his eyes complete

 

and he sees
the bird of his dreams
fly across the skyline
on blue shimmering wings
with a call that will chill you
like the dawn wind

 

and he knows that her feathers
are holding his heart together
and in this moment
he will watch her forever

 

but even as she rises she is falling
even as she sings she is crying
deep in her heart she is calling / out
to those dreaming and lying

 

and its not so much that he hears it in his ears
but feels the meaning in his mind
and her cry sets him free
from his cage inside

 

she says
don’t be afraid
when the stars rearrange
in this world we will change, be remade
so don’t be afraid when the stars rearrange
you don’t need to be saved
you will be remade
don’t be afraid,
yeh, don’t be afraid

 

and with that final call

he sees her shimmering wings collapse

her slender neck does crack

and she falls

leaving empty air again

 

he runs to her

 

he finds her caught a stormwater drain

oil slick in her wings fuels his dismay

cigarette butts stain her shimmering feathers

and her wingtips rise and fall with the waves

 

he holds her broken body in his hands

while he holds her echo in his mind

don’t be afraid

when the stars rearrange

yeh, don’t be afraid

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