“Have the decency to ask.
You understand – everything you take from that fridge – you take from my childrens’ hands.
Don’t get me wrong. If you’re good to me. I’m fucking good as family to you. You need this place for a birthday, a function, we’ll book it out for you. You smile at the customers. Do what you’re told, I pay you on time. You fuck me around, take sick days, I won’t pay you. You can go to hospital – Taihnah went to hospital to get a hip operation last year – I let her go. I’m good to yah, you fucking tell me what ward you’re in when you go though. I’ll send you flowers. I’ll come and see yah make sure I see ya. I don’t want no one sicking out on me.
If I catch you talking to your friends, I’ll tell ‘em to fuck off. You will hear those words coming out of my mouth. Fuck off.
If I ask for a coffee. That’s what I want to get. My coffee. Pretty fucking simple right. I come first. Doesn’t matter who you’re serving, you make me my coffee. Frank’s coffee. You all been trained how to make my coffee right? Doesn’t matter who’s in line. When Kevin Rudd came to campus last year, he asked where to go, and he was told here. You know why, because everyone knows this is the place you go. He lined up. I had my coffee before his. I met him he said ‘you a Liberal supporter are you?’ I said ‘damn right I’m a liberal voter! I’m the one who fucking got John Howard in!’ doesn’t matter who’s in line – you make Frank’s coffee first.
I might be an arsehole. I come in in the morning, I’m fucking tired, been here since midnight the night before. I’m grumpy as shit. You can call me that after hours, but you don’t call me arsehole behind the counter though – you call me sir or boss. Alex – finally got her name only took me what Tiahnnah, six weeks? – Alex got it this morning I came in, told her what to do, she said ‘fine’ you know why she said fine, because I’m paying her. She’s got the right attitude.
I’m not all arsehole though. I’m a good fucking boss. I’ll look after you. You need anything, I mean anything, I’ll help you with it. I’m the person to ask, I’ve got friends. I’ll take you out on boats on the lake. I got a friend with a big yacht, we went out there last year, had a party, I might even take you to the Gold Coast for a training session. We go shopping, you can get whatever you want. Ain’t that right T, got you a Prada bag last year. Yeah. She’s all upset cos her boyfriend wouldn’t get her a Prada bag. I said, isn’t it your birthday soon? She said, yeah, so? I said let’s get you a bag. Ok so she was happy to get any nice bag right, I took her to Prada and I said pick whatever you want. If you’re good to me I’ll look after ya.
I treat you like I treat my family. You give to me, I’ll give ten times to you. You do long hours here, don’t fuck me around with leave, you can come to Sydney with us for training. Same token, you treat me bad I’ll treat you ten times as fucking bad. I work like a fucking dog to support my family so I walk in at night, I dump my jeans on the floor where I take them off my wife says can’t I put them in the washing basket. I’ll leave them where I fucking take them off. I’ll take you to Sydney, get you whatever you want if you work hard for me. You rip me off though, and you’ll wish you’d never been born. Ain’t that right T’. Who was the last girl we found out had been giving free coffee to her friends eh? Fired her on the spot. In front of everyone, didn’t pay her for her last two weeks. But you know what the customers they love that drama don’t they. That’s what they come here for. The drama and the girls. Last week I wanted my coffee right – I say to Tiahnah – ‘Frank’s coffee!’ – you know what she says to me – she says – ‘does that come with a please?’. I went in to that kitchen I got the biggest fucking plate I could find – and I threw if from there – you see near the kitchen door on that side of the room – to that wall. You know what happened it smashed and bounced off the fridge and hit her on the leg didn’t it T? The whole queue was watching too. Mouths open like this. They loved it. They were saying to her ‘you know that’s harassment right?’ you know what she said ‘let me get him his coffee first’. There ain’t no such thing as harassment.
They love it. They come here for it. They don’t come here for the food or the coffee. The food’s bad and twice as expensive as next door – how much is a lasagne next door? $6? It’s $11.80 here. And they don’t come here for the coffee, the coffee’s shit. They come here for the drama. And they come here cos they get a girl with everything they order. All female staff notice that? I even tried to get a female fucking chief. Beautiful girl right. But a lesbo. Such a fucking waste.”